I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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