He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My feet surprised me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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