He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
