would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
