what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
