You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
