We're facebook friends in real life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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