all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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