This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found your dick twin last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
