I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
