I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
