i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
