also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
