My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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