Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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