I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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