I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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