Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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