I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
