I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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