You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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