Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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