I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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