She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
