the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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