Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
