I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
