THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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