im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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