wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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