i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
