And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
