she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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