I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
