Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
