It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
