The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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