fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
