i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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