um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
