I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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