I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
