Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
