its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
