Grow some girl-balls and come out already
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
