College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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