you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
