Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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