According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
