I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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