All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!