How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half