your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
