I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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