Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
