i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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