Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
