There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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