I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
