I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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