the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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