He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
