I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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