what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
